Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
