were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
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