He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
