That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
