dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
