i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
