I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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