all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
