That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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