So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
