i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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