That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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