he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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