Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
