Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize