did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
