You really coming over, don't trick.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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