As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
