FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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