Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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