Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
