sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
