I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
