Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
