So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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