it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
