I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
