Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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