his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this boner is exhausting
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
