I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You need a sexual gate keeper
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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