my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
