Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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