Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
