I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
