Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Less talking, more tequila
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
