mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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