guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
someone owes me an orgasm
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
MIDGETS
????
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
