So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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