some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
