yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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