So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
