you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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