He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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