"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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