I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
