Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
