in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
