why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
