This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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