My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We are two peas in an std pod
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
