Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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