forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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