it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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