My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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