Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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