yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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