So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
