Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize