spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
