Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
