I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
