so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
