i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
