WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
