I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
