I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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