Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
