at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
