i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
